Birth Plans: Part 1 of 3

While I may be living in a fantasy world, I am still hoping for labor to spontaneously begin with no intervention or prompting. I am still hoping for an intervention-free labor and delivery. Whether that actually happens is all about wait and see.

My husband and I have created a one-page birth plan that we plan to take to the hospital once labor begins. I wasn’t going to create a birth plan because I am very willing and able to self-advocate and open to change as the situation dictates. My husband, however, wants our preferences in writing because he is afraid he will be more focused on not vomiting and/or fainting during the labor and delivery process than on what the nurses and doctors are saying/doing.

Knowing that right now the chances seem slim that I will be able to have labor begin spontaneously, I have also prepared two other birth plans that reflect our preferences for an induced labor and delivery, and a cesarean section.

As I have browsed the web looking for birth plans that closely mirror my preferences, I have realized there are many different approaches to outlining the ideal birth to medical professionals. We have chosen to take a slightly humorous approach in ours.

Please note that there are many other things that could be outlined as preferences (such as specifying intermittent monitoring if a wireless baby monitor is not available at our chosen hospital) in a birth plan. We tried to keep our preferences to things applicable only in our hospital or specific to our obstetrician. We also felt that a one-page-only birth plan was extremely important to ensuring it actually gets read in its entirety.

Our birth plan for spontaneous labor:

Birth Preferences

Let’s face it, Nurse, you’re busy. So, let me quickly say we appreciate you. I (Mindy) probably won’t be saying that in L&D because I’m a crabby, witchy person when I’m in pain. So, when I (Mindy) snap at you in about five seconds, please know I really, really appreciate you and I’m sorry I’m a terrible person.

Here’s what I want, knowing that poop happens, and plans go awry (notice I didn’t even call this a birth plan? I’m a realist, most of the time), I know this is all subject to circumstances:

L&D

  • No visitors, please! We will let you know if someone is supposed to be let in. I know you are busy and you can’t stand guard outside our door, but I’m hoping something can be clicked in our electronic record keeping visitors away.
  • I am all about informed consent. As long as I’m conscious, please obtain informed consent from us both, not just my husband. If I’m asleep, please wake me.
  • I will be monitoring my blood glucose levels during labor. If you would like these readings, please let me know.
  • Point me in the direction of the nearest bathtub please!
  • Going for unmedicated; please don’t offer me drugs.
  • Feel free to drug my husband, though, as I will greatly appreciate it.
  • I need to be left alone as much as medically possible.
  • I would like to be up and active during labor. Telemetric monitoring please!
  • If you ask me how I’m doing, chances are I will tearfully tell you how horrible I feel. I am a sucker for sympathy. So, don’t ask. I will tell you if it is beyond my ability to bear.
  • Yes to as few vaginal checks as medically possible. The fewer hands in my vagina, the better.
  • I would like to deliver in whatever position seems to be working for me.
  • No pitocin at any point please (unless I’m hemorrhaging, obviously, I like to live).
  • Heplock me up, Scotty!
  • I will be eating and drinking. I do understand possible aspiration risks if I go under general anesthesia. I assume all risk.
  • No extraction assistance please unless we have given clear consent.
  • Any help preventing a tear during second stage labor is much appreciated. Where do you keep the PAM spray? Vegetable oil? Anything. Really.
  • Give it a couple of minutes before cutting the cord, like while wiping the goo off of our son.
  • Please let the placenta detach naturally.
  • We would like some uninterrupted time with baby after birth. Maybe an hour or two?

After:

  • We are opting for a circumcision.
  • Yes to vaccinations.
  • Breastfeeding (a lactation specialist consult would be great).
  • No pacifier.
  • No bottles.
  • Maybe to rooming-in. Depends on how tired I am.
  • Still all about informed consent.
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13 Replies to “Birth Plans: Part 1 of 3”

  1. Great birthplan!!!!! Very realistic and straight to the point. Im halfway considering making the labor and delivery staff muffins as a thank you before they see the monster I can turn into lol

    1. Thanks! We shall see what actually happens, though.

      I get so snappy in tense situations. I really prefer to be left alone as much as possible. I don’t know muffins will do it in my case!

      Do you have your birth stories on your blog?

  2. I love this birth plan. I especially love the part about informed consent. I was given drugs in my IV that I did not consent to during my c section. When I looked over and saw the meds being injected, I begged them to stop and they did but it was too late because even a small dose of something that was supposed to “calm” me made me very sedated. I regret that so much! I am planning to talk to the dr about that as the time nears.

    1. I need to know the why behind things. Informed consent is so huge for me and my comfort. I know if things are happening fast, such as in an emergency, informed consent can’t always be obtained, but I just want them to be mindful for those times that informed consent can be obtained.

  3. I love that you kept it light and humours. Some I`ve read are just ghastly and I always felt bad for the nurses having to read these (I call these `let me tell you how to do your job`- I don`t think those go over well anywhere). We`re not doing one, but if we did I`d want it to be like yours 🙂

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