Just a warning, I am not sparing personal pregnancy details in this one.
Over the last couple of weeks, I have been having some belly pain happening. As my baby boy is growing (rapidly, apparently) my body is trying to keep up with the demand for more space. I even had an extra ultrasound to check my cervix a week ago because the cramping and pain was enough to concern me. On both the 20 and 21 week ultrasounds, he is head down and all the way against my cervix (which is still closed up tight, thankfully). I have been feeling most of his movements against my pelvis and bladder (he has made me pee myself a bit several times now). He likes to push against my below-the-belly pant-line, too, especially if it’s a pair that is a little snug. I noticed last night I am not only feeling him way down low, but he is also kicking way up by my belly button, too. This is going to be a long pregnancy, I’m afraid. Today, I thought I was dying. The menstrual cramp feeling was intense. I tried stretching out to hopefully ease some of the discomfort, but all that accomplished was stabbing, pulling pain that I assume is ligament pain (happens every, single time I sneeze) according to my doctor’s assessment.
I have been getting increasingly paranoid that this baby boy is going to be very big. I asked my husband to find out from his mother how big he was at birth. I was pretty average weighing in right around 8 pounds and about 20 inches. My husband finally informed me Sunday night that he was almost 10 pounds and 22 1/4 inches long. By the end of the day today, as I sit here, with my belly still hurting and obvious stretching trying to happen, I am worried that my goal to have this baby completely naturally is going to blow up in my face. If I have to have a Cesarean section, then I have to have an epidural. An epidural and my body are two things that do not mix. I had a lot of problems during and after my epidural last time. Post c-section last time, I could not control my bowels, I had a severe headache, I had a severe backache, and I had back problems (including extreme weakness, numbness, tingling) for months after the birth of my daughter. I would so much rather have a long, painful birthing than an epidural any day of the week. To me, an epidural during birthing is the antithesis of what I want this birth to be. My doctor knows this, and I have pushed to make sure she is on board with me being able to birth the way that I feel my body needs to at the moment. Now I just hope that it isn’t going to be a wasted effort.
So what do I do with my anxieties? I blog about them, of course! I know the power of the mind over the body is not something to laugh at or shrug off. I need to get over my fears otherwise I might become another self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m going to stick with my moderate exercise and hope for the best. If I can prepare my body, hopefully I can prepare my mind. There is a lot of prayer in my future.