I made a bold move. Well, bold for me, anyway. I told Eva (age 6) that we are expecting a baby. She squealed with delight. I couldn’t have asked for a better response! I also cautioned her that it is still tiny and too soon to tell if everything will work out. If it works put then she will have a baby sister or brother in the end, but it will be a long time to get there. The biggest emphasis was on keeping it a secret, though, until I told her it was okay to tell anyone she wanted. I stressed to her that she could NOT tell her closest cousin, no matter how tempting, until I told her closest cousin’s father (my brother, obviously). She made it through an entire day around her cousins without spilling the news, so I think she’s doing quite well.
I had a moment of hesitation before I told her. What if something happens and I have a miscarriage? How would that affect her? Then I realized how ridiculous I was being. Even if she didn’t know about the baby, she would be affected because I would be affected. How much more confusing would it be to see mom so upset and grieving and not even know the cause? She’s six, not two.
Now, at least, she understands why mom doesn’t feel good sometimes and why mom won’t go running in ninety-degree weather. She has been so sweet and loving already, too, that it just reaffirms our decision to tell her. She kissed my belly today, and she started thinking about names. She has already planned a trip to a baby stuff store. She’s dying to begin purchasing things for the baby, or as we are calling her, Soybean.
She kept saying things in public, always saying “the baby” loud enough to make me cringe every, single time. So I shared my temporary name for the baby, Soybean, with her. Now it is just adorable when she says anything about Soybean. She wanted to look at the “Soybean aisles” at Wal-Mart today, for example.
We also decided to bring her with us to the appointment Thursday. My husband isn’t thrilled with being in there as I get a pelvic exam anyway (neither am I). So the plan is that he will stay with her in the waiting room for all the inappropriate moments, and then once Soybean is on the screen for the ultrasound they will both come in to see. I think it will be the best way to make her feel like she is part of this, like this baby is her’s to love, too.
As for the inevitable questions about how the baby got in there, well, I’m all for avoidance. My current thought is to explain to her that is something we will discuss in fifth grade. I just don’t think that is appropriate knowledge for a six-year-old little girl.
She has been encouraging me to eat so “Soybean gets enough food, too”. She even wanted me to try applesauce so Soybean could taste it. I realize how flawed that is scientifically, but it is so darn cute I don’t care. It just makes me melt.
Being the paranoid person that I am, I took another home pregnancy test again. I used another Advanced Clear Blue to see if my hCG levels had gone up. It said 3+ this time, a week after it said 2-3 weeks. This helped reassure me a bit that everything is going well. Here is a picture, because I have to share with someone:
I can hardly wait for my appointment Thursday!