Cycle Day 37

That’s right, today is cycle day thirty-seven.  I picked up my prescription for Provera to induce a period, I wasted another pregnancy test to make my OB/gyn happy, I said some prayers, and then I tried to forget it all.  And still no cycle day one for me.

I picked up the Provera, but I haven’t started taking it.  I’m feeling a little lost.  I usually have a pretty good sense of direction, in every sense of the phrase, but right now I feel like I got turned around and I can’t find east, west, north, or south. 

It always helps taking the Provera and beginning a new cycle.  It helps physically because usually I end up losing a little bit of weight during my period and I just feel better overall.  Beginning a new period helps emotionally, of course, because I feel like this time, this cycle, might be THE cycle.

This time I’m hesitating, though.  I wonder if continued intervention is really helping anything or somehow making it worse.  I’m sure another few days I will end up changing my mind and take the Provera anyway.  I’m tired of feeling like I am in limbo.  I don’t have any answers or next steps.  Everything is status quo.

My heart keeps breaking and then hardening a little more each month that nothing happens.  I’m trying very hard to keep myself hopeful and open to whatever God has in store for me. 

My heart just hurts right now.


5 Replies to “Cycle Day 37”

  1. Oh Honey… I’m so sorry. I’ve been there and I feel the ache in your heart. Hugs and love from me to you. This is the hardest deal anyone has to face and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. You deserve to have your heart’s desire and I pray that it is so, soon. Hugs
    On another note: I have been nominated for the Liebster Award and I’d like to nominate you! Would you accept it? Let me know ok?

    1. Thank you very much for your heartfelt words. I pray, too, for God’s will. My constant prayer is that either He will change me or change my situation.

      Congratulations on your nomination! You certainly deserve recognition. As for me, I would be extremely honored to receive a nomination. That is very sweet of you to think of me!

      1. Thats’ wonderful… I understand about having that constant prayer. I did too… and in the process, He changed me. He can change your situation and you and the same time.
        That’s great! I should have the post ready to go with all the instructions by the end of the week.
        Take care of you today!
        Praying for you!

      2. He might do both…I hadn’t thought of that scenario. Thank you.

        I will be looking forward to hearing from you. I have never been involved in an award so instructions are much appreciated! Thank you again for thinking of me. You have such a sweet and loving spirit.

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