Current State of Affairs

Oh, Secondary Infertility, how are you?  I wasn’t ignoring you, I just wasn’t returning your phone calls.  I have had other things to worry about recently.

Today is cycle day 29 for me.  I’m not overly concerned yet, nor hopeful, because last cycle was a 33 day cycle.  Other than Metformin twice a day, I’m still medication/intervention free since my Clomid cycle in May.

Yesterday, I started getting some typical premenstrual symptoms, complete with crying.  I had to leave my fitness class last night because I started getting weepy.  Granted it is because this had become something Eva and I had started doing together, and naturally she wasn’t there because she is still with her father.  So I had reason to be weepy.  Usually, however, I can control it a bit better.

I have used an ovulation prediction kit this entire cycle.  According to the test strips, I haven’t ovulated.  Intellectually speaking, I do believe the strips are right.  Emotionally speaking, sometimes I think maybe I will prove the test strips wrong with a positive pregnancy test in a few days.  Everybody has to have a dream, right?

I have been very lax on my dieting/trying-to-conceive, self-imposed rules.  My PCOS is still going strong, of course, so I do have moments of guilt.  I had two beers with dinner the other night.  I spoke in an earlier post about some wine and some pasta.  I also spoke about overcoming guilt, and not letting guilt steal my joy.  I’m trying.  Some days are harder.  It has been nice, though, to just enjoy life for a minute. 

The goal today is to relax and enjoy Independence Day. 

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2 Replies to “Current State of Affairs”

  1. Hope you were able to enjoy the holiday and relax a bit. It is easy to be harsh with ourselves on this journey and it takes a lot of strength to find some balance. Sending hugs your way!!

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