My work weeks are Monday through Sunday. So here I sit at the end of another long work week, and I’m trying not to complain, but I’m tired.
This week was another 47-point-something hour work week. I know there are millions of people who would love to have a job, period. So my whining about not only having a job but working over forty hours for the third week in a row seems petty, or selfish. Maybe I need to expand my world view a bit and it would make me more appreciative for overtime.
Despite feeling guilty about being tired of being at work, I can’t seem to stop feeling my feelings. I’m a little concerned that my new work hours and the unpredictability of it all is going to ruin my hard work concerning my healthy lifestyle changes.
Today, for example, I went in at 7 o’clock this morning, prepared to work a little over eight hours. Forty-five minutes in to my shift, it was clear that my relief would not be arriving as scheduled at three. By 10 o’clock I knew my day would now be a sixteen hour day, with a short eight hour reprieve before I have to go back in to do it all over again.
This resulted in a late night stop at Taco Bell on my way home for some form of dinner. I had juiced enough juice for breakfast and lunch, that was it. By the time 11 o’clock rolled around, I was starving. Now I feel the need to go run off my Taco Bell dinner, but I have to be awake in five short hours from now to get ready for work. Going for a run is just too much at this hour.
That leads me to another concern. All of this back and forth in my sleeping pattern has me worried that my infertility issues will never resolve naturally. If I can’t stick to a consistent sleep cycle, how will my body ever retrain itself to cycle consistently?
Am I like that old wives tale about digging on the right phase of the moon? You know, the one about digging on the new moon means you won’t have enough dirt to fill the hole. Digging on a full moon will result in too much dirt and the hole will be a mound when you fill it. Or maybe I have that reversed. Or maybe it’s something about a quarter moon….ugh, I give up.
My point is, I feel like I’m sending mixed signals to my body. Like maybe all these crazy, random hours (I worked two overnight shifts last week which meant I was awake for twenty-eight hours straight two different times in one week) are like random lunar eclipses to my body. I’m almost to the end of the first independent, non-drug-induced cycle I have had in a very, very long time. And according to my ovulation prediction kit, I haven’t ovulated. Is that because I really never will ovulate again, or is it because my body is stressed and confused?
I know better than to think I will be getting a clear answer to that question.
Friday is my next day off. Friday is also the day before I load myself and my precious girl onto a plane bound for California, where even more stress awaits me.
I think it’s going to be a long week.