Warning: This post contains a discussion of the female reproductive cycle. Totally gross, I know.
I know I have heard it a thousand times, that old saying about no news is good news. Well, when dealing with the human body, that is true most of the time. The absence of pain or bleeding is most assuredly a good sign, nine times out of ten anyway. When trying desperately to get the female body to cycle naturally, a little pain and some bleeding can be a good sign.
As those of you that have been following me know, I have been praying for my body to begin operating on a normal, healthy rhythm. I have become a health nut (see this, for corroborating evidence) that obsesses about things like complex carbs, protein, vitamins, minerals, and electrolytes. I even added additional supplements (redundant, I know) just in case the juicing and the prenatal vitamins weren’t enough. I exercise three to eight hours every week, and that is purely cardiovascular, or aerobic, exercising.
I want my ovaries to quit hating me. I want them to give me a baby already! Before I’m too old to enjoy that baby! Before I’m so old that I drool and have to have my diapers changed, too! Well, I might be exaggerating slightly, but I want a baby while I am still energetic enough to keep up. Not having periods at all without the assistance of medication is step number one on that journey, and ovaries and I have had a lot of heart-to-hearts. The result has always been the same, though.
Nothing. No change. No news.
This cycle was my very first cycle using Clomid. Clomid did nothing for my system as far as I could tell. I had my cycle day 21 blood test to check to my progesterone levels, and the results were beyond dismal (see here for more on that). My hope that my body would start responding as it should sometime this year deflated. I hadn’t given up, but my timeline had shifted significantly.
Cycle day 28 came and went with no signs of a period. When I was healthy and not using birth control pills, my cycles had always been 28 day cycles. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that this hurt my heart. It all felt pointless. I felt like I was engaged in a never-ending war. I had won a battle here or there, sure. But I was losing the war.
I called my doctor and spoke to her nurse Tuesday, to let her know that indeed I had not started a period on my own, and that no, I was not pregnant either. My doctor is on vacation this week, so the nurse assured me she would get the covering physician to send over my Provera script. I was to begin the script on cycle day 35, as I had discussed with my doctor last week. I cried when I hung up the phone. That phone call was another sign of defeat for me.
This morning I woke up on cycle day 32. I had no significant plans for today, other than to meet my husband for lunch. As I met him at the restaurant, I felt ill. I didn’t even want to eat. I rushed to the bathroom, which isn’t an unusual occurrence. Anyone who has ever taken Metformin can sympathize, I’m sure. The best thing in the world happened in that bathroom. I realized I had started my period!
I couldn’t resist immediately telling my husband, who had a mouth full of food as I’m saying it. He wasn’t quite as excited at that moment as I had hoped. Although, that might have something to do with the fact that he was instantly grossed out. He is squeamish, to say the least.
It has been so long since my body has had a period without medication to induce it. It has been even longer since my body has had a period remotely close to the time it should have a period. Not that long ago, I dreaded my once-every-twelve-weeks period (also dictated by medication). Now, I am welcoming it with open arms and great joviality! I feel a renewed sense of hope that maybe I have finally lost enough weight, that maybe I have finally rebooted my system, that maybe I will finally get my baby sometime before I’m old.
The rest of the day has felt just a few shades brighter. Everything isn’t quite so serious for me today. Being happy, smiling, isn’t such an effort right now. Even though a period signals the lack of a pregnancy, to me it signals continued hope. Today, it signals the continuation of a dream.
A long-lost friend has come home! Sort of…
In this scenario, any news is good news!
So, today, I am on cycle day 1, medication free!