Tomorrow is the beginning of a brand new challenge for me at work. My daughter has been prepped, my husband informed, and my brain is on board.
Chances are work is going to be consuming a large portion of my time daily for the next month, minimum. I am directly responsible for the proper care, supervision, and support of some very unique people. Their happiness becomes my success. Their health becomes my happiness.
It is a bit terrifying.
The worst thing I could do in this situation is to hesitate, even for a moment. The terrified part of me has to sit in silence while I patiently, with much forethought, ensure those looking to me for guidance have every tool needed to provide the best life possible to those we are helping. My already stretched emotions must remain contained and calm like the waters of a pond.
I have the knowledge, I have the supportive resources, and I have the compassion needed. Not only to do the job, but I also have what I need to do the job well. I am equipped and ready to excel. After months of personal failure, to excel and succeed in anything feels nice. More than nice, it is almost a relief.
Professional fulfillment does not take away the ache in my heart. It does not lessen my desire to be a mother to my second child. It does not erase the pain, the grief, the sadness. Professional fulfillment does shift my focus. Someone’s health and happiness is in my hands, and that deserves my focus.
Maybe this is just my temporary escape from my own reality. If so, that’s still okay. I get to go to work and make someone smile that deserves all the smiles life has to offer.