I am not having a good day. Every sentence I type comes out whiney, and each additional sentence I type to try to correct the whine sounds petulant instead. So here I am, being whiney and petulant anyway.
Today is cold and damp and tiresome. I have things to accomplish today, but I’m being hindered by my own bad attitude. My hips are trying to widen a bit more, and my sciatic nerve is not responding well. I wish I could have the nerve removed from my body. Sitting for more than 10 minutes is more than I can handle at the moment, and everything I need to accomplish today (before the child gets out of school, that is) requires sitting in front of my laptop. I’m writing this on my phone while laying down in my warm bed. Also, every bit of research I have completed for the work I need to accomplish has only served to increase my agitation and bring the whine in my sentences to new heights of annoying.
To say I am human and I am flawed today feels like I’m being generous. I’m pregnant by some miracle. My cyst laden ovaries (polycystic ovary syndrome) seem to be giving me a reprieve as I currently only have one zit and I haven’t had to pluck my beard in a week and my last A1C was beautiful. I don’t have to leave the house until 1:45 pm. I can work in my underwear if I so choose. All our bills are paid. I live in my own house. I’m an ungrateful, whining, self-absorbed–I’m at a loss for an appropriate word that isn’t a four-letter, makes a movie rated PG type word. At least I’m aware of my flaws, I suppose.
As my husband works hard and my daughter tries to learn everything she can at school, I get to stay home and knock out a few sentences for a few dollars. I couldn’t be happier that my current reality is even a possibility, much less really happening. I read something earlier that reminded me that God chooses the people He sees as fit, not the people we always judge as fit. Jacob (he was kind of an opportunistic manipulator), Moses (a murderer that had a speech impediment), King David (adulterer), or Rahab (a prostitute) were all chosen by God for something great. Even as I whine, God might be choosing me for a purpose.
Today, I’m very glad God has my back even when I’m being whiney and ungrateful. It gives me hope that tomorrow will be better.